Friday, December 16, 2011

Andrea's Blog

Hi,

Thanks for those who still kept coming back, although not much happened here recently...

I am busier on my website, in Andrea's Blog. Please go over there, I can't keep up with double posting, and that is where I am sharing stuff now.

Thanks again for being around, see you on the other side!

Andrea



Monday, January 17, 2011

I belong

I was without a computer for a few months, now virtual life is easier again.

A new year of my life began yesterday, with a new poem...

On my birthday, I sometimes get into philosophical mood... Around this day of the year, it is indeed usual that something happens where I feel a new life has began in one way or the other.

At the age of 10, by an accidental meeting with another little girl, I got introduced to the local folk dance group, and that set me on a path for this life.
When I was 19, I spent my birthday in a hospital with an unusually heavy Hepatitis where the doctors said I needed to be very careful with moving, for at least a half year. A few weeks later I was on stage, touring with the dance group in Slovakia...

In 1993, I got my son as a present - two years later in January, I broke up with his father and we divorced. In the same time, my beloved Grandma, who used to sing the lullabies so beautifully, passed away...

In 2000, somehow, a very happy and productive period of my life started, overnight: Beauty of the world

In 2008, I had a cancer surgery...

And today (I wrote this on Saturday, this now is a copy&paste), without going into more details here, I am giving myself the most precious present of freedom:

I BELONG

It kills me when I can't speak,
It kills me when I have to be
Silent about what I see.

It kills me when I have to lie,
When I have to put on a smile
That I don't feel inside.

Just an empty façade.

When I see it's black
And they say it's white.

When I see it’s not right
And they say it’s all fine.

It kills me when I must show
That everything is right.

Insidious, poisonous,
Slowly creeping, surely killing
Cancer of the soul.

"I can't tell it to anyone,
So I tell it to everyone"
-
Our friend has said it.

So I chose to LIVE.

Live a life that only belongs to me
Yet it is of all Man.

Live a life where I decide
What is true for me.

Where I am the one
Who says what I see.

Where birds have wings to fly,
Mothers to hear babies cry,
Where the children are not shy.

Live a life where poets write,
Dancers jump and turn,
Painters set the color.

I belong to Life.

I belong to where laughter roars
And where lovers kiss,

And where empty promises
Are not part of the script.

Where sanity rules.
Where the Spirit calls.

I belong to no party, no club,
No church or religion,
Organization, association.

I belong to my own kind,
My only child,
My peace of mind.

I belong to my own voice.

I belong to the ever-hungry
For beauty and melody.

And probably, hopefully,
I belong to another heart.

I belong to those
Who make food with a brush,
A pen, a bow, a string, a lens.

I belong to the free-thinkers,
Free-sayers and free-doers.

And when I'll have to look back
At all my years,
With eyes already closed,
The question will be asked:

Was it good, the way I belonged?

- Budapest, 15 January 2011

Hibiscus bud


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Friday, June 11, 2010

Drifting

As I said in my previous post Imagining where I showed my first ever poem in my mother tongue to those who read Hungarian, there was yet another poem in the making, but in English, just as all of the earlier ones. 
Voila!

DRIFTING

Drifting in your music,
Passionate,
Ethereal,
Ecstatic.


Drifting in your talking,
Meaningful,
Playful,
Caring.


Drifting in your being,
Powerful,
Loveful,
Yearning.


You are drifting me away
To places I have never seen -
Or are these places
I have always known,
Always wanted to be?


I wonder
Where are you taking me?


Drifting me along...

- Andrea Gerak





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Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Imagining

Been hit by creativity... I have written a couple of poems in the past 12 years, but for some mysterious reason, only in English, none of them in my mother tongue...

And now my very first Hungarian poem was just born! Which is again, a bit mysterious, because in the past decade, I spent more time abroad than in my homeland, I haven't been there now for more than 9 months... Here it is for those of you who understand this strange little language and want to read it.

Tried to translate it into English, but I find it rather difficult: not only technically, having to find the right words in a foreign language, but more importantly, I feel it would lose something from its mood, the spontaneous atmosphere, the feeling I had right then and right there. For me, it is completed, I said what I wanted to say with it - now let's see the next one :-)

Which is already forming, in English again... Back to you soon :-)

Two roses at dusk, by Andrea Gerak

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Little good things

Little good surprises are happening: yesterday met 2 girlfriends in town, one minute after I've thought about them, and they invited me to a yummy dinner. Later, I discovered a bunch of wonderful photos in my camera from the past week or so that I have forgot about, AND I could hardly believe this one: found my Hungarian SIM card I lost a couple of months ago! I have 3 phone numbers but only 2 phones I like to use, so I always had to change the tiny little cards and keep one of them in my purse, that's how I dropped it.

When I stepped out of the door this afternoon, I saw something red on the ground - and there was it, my SIM card with my Hungarian phone number! As the snow and all the winter rubbish is disappearing, it had a chance to surface. Yayyy!!! I can use it again, don't have to change my number or wait until I go to Hungary and can get a new one.

So, anyone of you who had my Hungarian number: it's alive!

Then I went to the internet café to print out something and got 10 extra pages, because the girl I asked to help me clicked too many times and it started to print immediately.
To top it off, I was even invited for a piece of cake, because the staff and a few friends were celebrating the new car of the owner... :-)) Lovely place. (The best net café in town, Firewall, Götgatan 88, if you guys in Stockholm wanna know)

Just wanted to tell ya :-) Hmmm... maybe it's just the spring and sun?

One of the photos that I got out from my camera:



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Monday, April 05, 2010

Dancing violets

In the summer of 2002, I did a few songs for an exhibition of a very fine Hungarian painter Mária Jeremiás, in a beautiful church in Budapest. (How wonderful is that: to have beautiful paintings and songs in a sacred place?) These words came into my mind in the early spring next year, on my way back to Budapest from Vienna, while I was looking at the still snowy scene from a bus.
Unfortunately, I lost contact with the lady and can't find her, so I can't show you her delicate painting...

DANCING VIOLETS
(for a painting of Mária Jeremiás)

Have you ever seen violets when they dance?

As I look out of my window,
Trees are heavy from silver snow,
The horizon is a big white pillow.
But spring is coming soon, a new chance,
And they will dance, the violets.

They turn, jump, wave, bend,
Spread happiness in the forest,
With green, fragile, light legs,
Brighten up the darkest night
When they dance, the violets.

They invite the sun shining, rainbow smiling,
Little girls singing, little boys laughing,
And all the world playing.
With their velvet blossom heads,
When they dance, the violets.


Violets carpet. Photo: Roberto Fontana
Happy Easter everyone!

--
Text: Andrea Gerak
Photo: Violets carpet, by Roberto Fontana

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Stuck in Stockholm

Catching up a bit... I posted things in Andrea's Blog on my website but didn't put them here yet. So here is a recent one.

I love blogging... Just created another one... on the English news site for Sweden, The Local, and I named it Stuck in Stockholm. Often I would like to write more about my experiences than what my Stockholm photo blog would allow, and also, I guess it's the best to change viewpoints on my love & hate relationship with Sweden, with locals and expats living here. Sometimes to let out a little steam... or to get an answer to something I can't figure out.

People keep me asking all the time how did I get here in Sweden, how long ago, what do I do here, etc - here you go: 

I arrived here 4 years ago (to be exact, on Lucia's Day 2005), from England where I met the guy I married there. Me from Hungary, he from Sweden, got to know each other near to London, in the house of a girlfriend of mine (an opera singer from my home town in Northern Hungary) and her husband (a Spanish concert pianist).

He took me here to Stockholm, for this is where he had his family, knew his way around, the whole system etc, moving to Sweden together looked the most sound way to build up our life.

Trying to make it short: we divorced a few months ago... He is a wonderful, extremely intelligent man, a great husband etcetera, but we just couldn't make our two very different lives get working together.  A Swede, doing his day-to-day job and in the evenings sitting on the sofa, surfing on the net and playing computer games, for hours and hours, with no hobbies, no passions or real purposes to pursue, very seldom communicating with others, not going out and do any fun things or meeting friends - and a Hungarian who's life is all about passion, drive, creativity, communication, meeting people, finding new friends, discovering things, sharing experiences, diving into the cultural happenings, actively participating in creating events, performing, singing, dancing and so on. Easy to see that it just couldn't work out.

And now I am in Stockholm, for my Hungarian son has chosen to do his high school here and of course Mommy has her duties to fulfill. (Okay, he is big enough now and basically I am free to go wherever I want to)

That's why the title.

In the past more than 10 years, I have been living in 4 other countries which are all have the reputation as being stiff, cold and rigid (Austria, Germany, Switzerland and England), but I have never felt so low, lonely and homesick for my little, crazy and poor country than being here in big, envied, rich Sweden...

For 4 years now, I have been honestly trying to make Stockholm my home, first for the sake of my husband, now for my son who likes it here, and there are many things I absolutely love here, admire the beauty of the place, amazed by how well certain things work etc - and struggling extremely hard to find my way in this mentality and atmosphere that I just can't grasp...

Stuck in Stockholm - is it good or bad? I yet shall see...


Strömmen by night 2 - Opera

Stockholm Opera, 10 days ago or so

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My first poem

Looks like they are coming up, one after the other...

This is my very first poem I wrote way back when I was living in Vienna for a while, exactly these days of the year, middle of March. On a Sunday morning, around 7, I woke up to the notion of having the first words of a poem in my mind.

Opened my eyes quickly, got paper and pencil and finished it. And strange enough, but a bit later I was also thinking about a melody for it, still didn't do anything with it. Just these days now I scraped it out from my back drawers and started to work it out.

Even more strange that that time, I didn't even have a clue of who was the person I was writing it to...

I'LL BE YOU

Take my love and I'll be you,
Take my thought and I'll be you,
Take my eyes and I'll be you,

Take my lips and I'll be you,
Take my hand and I'll be you,
Take my body and I'll be you,

Take my hope and I'll be you,
Take my dreams and I'll be you,
Take my soul and I'll be you,

Take my goal and I'll be you,
Take my heart and I'll be you,
Take my life, forever YOU.

-- Andrea Gerak



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